


Adding Scars to My Heart

by brilliantbanshee



Series: Lone Star Week [5]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: But he's trying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Judd is a good friend, M/M, TK is a mess, future canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24057325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brilliantbanshee/pseuds/brilliantbanshee
Summary: Time brings changes. Some are good, some are bad. There's nothing else to do but hold on to the ones you love, and catch them when they fall.(911: Lone Star Week Day 5 - Future Canon)
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Judd Ryder & TK Strand
Series: Lone Star Week [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1733593
Comments: 22
Kudos: 120
Collections: 9-1-1 Lone Star Week, 9-1-1 Lone Star ▶ Carlos Reyes / Tyler Kennedy "TK" Strand





	Adding Scars to My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from We Might be Dead Tomorrow by Soko because this wasn't sad enough on its own.

“Hey, Kid!”

TK paused at the top of the stairs and rolled his eyes before turning around, “Judd, you really shouldn’t keep calling me kid. I’m not that young anymore.”

Judd shrugged, “You’re still younger than me, so I don’t see why not.”

“And thank God for that.” It came out sharper than their usual banter, and at Judd’s raised eyebrow TK seemed to wilt. 

Judd continued, “I just wanted to check in with you. This has been a big change for all of us, but you more than anyone. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried about you still.”

TK leaned over the balcony and surveyed the engine bay, “It’s been a month Judd,” he said softly. 

Judd joined him at the railing, “A month is nothing and you know it. You’ve--” 

TK cut him off, “I mean it, Judd. I’m fine; I swear. I’m still going to meetings and everything.” 

Judd shook his head, “I didn’t doubt that.” 

TK continued as if the other man hadn’t even spoken, “I wouldn’t do that, Judd. After everything he did for me, I couldn’t disappoint him like that. Not ever again.” 

“I know,” Judd murmured softly, his voice barely above a whisper, “He’d be proud of you, you know.” 

TK scoffed, “Yeah, I didn’t immediately unravel and managed to keep myself together and act like a normal human being and not relapse. What a feat.” His words were thick with vicious sarcasm. 

“It was, kid; whether you want to admit it or not.” 

“We all are hurting Judd, I don’t know why you are taking the time to check up on me. I’m sure Mateo and Marjan are torn up, but I don’t see you chasing them down.” 

“We all lost our Captain, TK; but you lost your father.” 

TK looks down, hands tightening their grip on the railing. His knuckles shine in stark contrast to his hands. Even after all this time, he could feel the tears threatening to fall. _I’m fine_. He wondered how much longer it would be before he could say that phrase and actually mean it. 

He was hurting; that was no secret. He missed his dad so much. His father had been his hero, his rock, his friend. His absence felt like a gaping wound, a hole that ached to be filled. Even being back in the firehouse felt like standing at the edge of his grave. There were memories of him everywhere he looked; his personality was infused in every inch of this building. 

He took a deep, steadying breath and looked up to meet Judd’s gaze. It was compassionate and understanding. He knew Judd would be there for him no matter what. The whole 126 would be. He had so many people on his side right now; so many people in this crazy family that he and his dad had built when they had moved to Austin 3 years ago. He couldn’t do this alone, but he wouldn’t have to. 

“I’m not fine, but I will be,” he amended and Judd finally looked satisfied. 

The two men stood in companionable silence for another few moments before TK summoned some of his old bravado, “But hey, this is supposed to be a happy occasion, right? Congrats man, I really can’t think of anyone who deserves it more than you; my dad would have been proud.” He punctuated his words with an arm on Judd’s shoulder, fingering the new insignia that marked him as captain. 

Captain Ryder, the new leader of the 126. 

TK slowly slid his hand off of Judd’s shoulder and turned his gaze back to the engine bay. He wasn’t lying; he was truly thrilled that Judd had gotten the position. He deserved it more than anyone else TK knew and he was sure that Judd would do right by Owen and keep the 126 to the standards that his father had always strived for. Judd smiled at him, his face lighting up with pride and joy. 

“Thanks, Brother, that means a lot. I asked the Chief is we could postpone the ceremony, but he insisted.”

TK shook his head, “No, this was right. Everyone needed something to celebrate and you deserve it. Plus,” he added with a grin, “my dad was never one to say no to a good party, he would have enjoyed it too. He would have been proud of you,” he added, his voice going softer again. 

Judd clapped him on the shoulder, “You too kid.” 

They watched the antics of the crew as they began the daily routines of checking inventory and cleaning the equipment. TK rolled his eyes as he watched Mateo order around the probie, a badly contained grin stretching across his face. He was enjoying himself far too much.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

TK looked at Judd incredulously, “What has ever stopped you before?”

“Fair point,” Judd acknowledged. “Fine, why the hell aren’t you engaged to that boyfriend of yours? It’s been three years kid, and you two have been grossly in love from day one. What gives? Is he not the marrying type?”

TK stared at Judd for a long moment. This is not where he thought this conversation was heading in the slightest, “Where is this coming from?”

Judd shrugged sheepishly, “Grace and I got talking last night and it came up and I was curious.”

TK raised an eyebrow, “You and Grace talk about my love life in your free time?”

“It came up,” Judd said defensively. “Plus, you know she loves you. She just wants to make sure you’re happy - we both do.” His tone suddenly turned sharper, “If he doesn’t want to I can have a talk with him, make him see sense.” 

“What makes you think I’m not the one that doesn’t want to?”

Judd gave him a pointed look and TK relented, “Okay, I get your point. The answer is, I really don’t know. We had talked about it and I think Carlos was ready to actually ask, but then, well, you know.” He trailed off and Judd nodded solemnly. 

“We haven’t really talked about it since. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to rush me, which is sweet.” 

Judd examined him, “Are you ready?” he asked. 

TK considered; but only for a moment, “Yeah, I am.” 

“Then ask him your damn self! Lord almighty, what are you waiting for; an engraved invitation? You love him, he loves you - seems pretty simple to me.” 

TK burst out laughing. “You make an excellent point,” he conceded. 

“I know I do,” Judd replied, shaking his head. 

“You know,” TK quipped, “The wedding will never be the same without my dad there to tell all my embarrassing stories.” 

“I feel the need to inform you that as your big brother it is my solemn duty to complete this mission, so you had best prepare yourself.” 

TK groaned, “Remind me to elope.” 

“Not a chance little brother, not a chance.” 

**Author's Note:**

> When I first wrote this I didn't love it, but when I went back to edit I was pleasantly surprised by it. But it is sad and I'm sorry about that, pretty sure I was going through some stuff when I wrote it. 
> 
> Like it? Hate it? Leave a comment if you've got a sec!
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](https://brillliantbanshee.tumblr.com/)


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